but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
