Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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