when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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