ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
