wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
