Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
