my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
