her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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