He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
