I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its not stalking. its research.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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