If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
