The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize