Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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