Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
