Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
