He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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