God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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