Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
even my farts smell like vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
