there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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