Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
