Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
