Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
