Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
