I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love you.
Bad choice
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
