wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
