3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
