Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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