Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
