Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
