I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
