If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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