and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
