mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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