you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
