EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
