Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
