So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
