he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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