That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Be still, my beating vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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