i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
