you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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