I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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