I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Semen is not good for contacts.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
