I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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