Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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