saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
