a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
