Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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