Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
