doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize