Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
