So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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