drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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