at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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