This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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