everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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