Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
