She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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