K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
