i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
