Where is the hickey?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
