Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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