hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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