Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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