I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
