Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
