i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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