at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
