I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
