Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
