There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
